I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
