She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
