did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
