i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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