he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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