If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
