Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
