I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
