oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
