Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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