I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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