I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
