He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
