your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
