If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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