Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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