i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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