If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
