Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
