I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
