she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
