her vagine was all disorganized.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
