Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
