Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
