please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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