a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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