I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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