we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
