I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
