i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
