I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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