I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
