I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
