I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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