I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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