it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
