she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize