Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
tell me about the eggs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
