i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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