how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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