i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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