So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
