I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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