See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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