I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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