Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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