Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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