If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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