after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
