I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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