I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
