After last night, I could never be a politician.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
