I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
