dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
