So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
