Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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