i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
