I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
