I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
