I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
