Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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