Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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