just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
