Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's like heaven, but drunker
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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