Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Randomize
