Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
