is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
