Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
