my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
